Christ, Born Again in Gatlinburg

October 7, 2009

Early 2008 was bad for Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Long-time attraction Christus Gardens closed. The property was sold to a condo developer. Everything in the attraction — the murals, the wax dummies, the famous marble face of Jesus with-the-eyes-that-followed-you, even the name “Christus Gardens” — had been sold to an outside Christian group. Rumors had them moving it somewhere else, possibly to a place like The Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida.

Then the economy tanked.

No more condos. No more new location.

The exhibits of Christus Gardens still sit in a warehouse, somewhere. But the property in Gatlinburg, befitting a Christian attraction, has been reborn.

The Christus Gardens building has been leased to several of its old employees, and is now reopened as Christ in the Smokies Museum and Gardens. If it seems remarkably similar to Christus Gardens, it’s because the building was designed to hold a Christus Gardens-like attraction. Wax dioramas once again recreate the life of Jesus, accompanied by prerecorded narration and angelic music. According to director Joe Waggoner, the scene of Jesus’s ascension to heaven now “has movement in it,” and efforts have been made to bring the wax figures out to where visitors can almost touch them.

Almost, but not quite. The idea that any Christian attraction would allow you to drape your arm around Moses or Judas, or make Mary Magdalene blush, a la Madame Tussauds, is unlikely.

Waggoner told us that the museum is working hard to create new, improved versions of many of the old Christus Gardens exhibits. The “one thing that people really remember,” he said, was Christus Gardens’ marble face of Jesus, with its mysterious moving eyes. If attendance is good this year, he suggested, the new museum might have the funds to commission “a similar piece.”

We remember Christus Gardens fondly, and suspect with the same team at the helm, Christ in the Smokies Museum and Gardens can match the same caliber of entertainment, if not Christus Gardens’ creaky charm.

And it was only possible because of a lousy economy. We mentioned that to Waggoner, and he agreed that, “There was a kind of blessing there in disguise.”

Sections: Attraction News, Places
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Chupacabra On This!

October 7, 2009

Creationist realtor John Adolfi has been trying to open his Lost World Museum in Phoenix, NY for years, seeking to undermine evolutionary science through the exuberant fun of an old-fashioned sideshow chock full of entertaining oddities. Now it looks like a mysterious blood-sucking monster has come to the rescue (A dead, stuffed one, admittedly).

The Chupacabra Exhibit will be open on Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays (plus Halloween!) throughout the month of October. The Chupacabra is said to be a vicious beast that preys on livestock, with a particular fondness for tasty goats. A relative newcomer on the mysterious monster scene, it was first spotted in Puerto Rico back in the not-so-ancient times of 1995. Adolfi’s specimen was trapped in a barn and recently purchased from a now-cash-happy Texas taxidermist.

What does the gathering of bizarre examples of biological confusion (such as the Cyclops Kitty) have to do with the Bible? Adolfi believes the existence of such currently unclassified anomalies that “don’t make scientific sense” somehow bring down the entire evolutionary worldview (But hey, plenty of weird creatures fit nicely into conventional taxonomy — what could be more bizarre than a humpback anglerfish?).

Back in 2006, Discovery Science Center in Santa Ana, California mounted its own temporary Chupacabra exhibit for entirely opposing purposes: to lure the kiddies in with a “Spooky Science” angle, and then expose them to “facts” about blood-sucking creatures such as mosquitoes and leeches. Not only did the show lack a taxidermy Chupacabra, but it did not display a single image of the horrifying beast. Creationists: One; Well-Meaning Educators: Zero.

Not that the Lost World Museum Chupacabra is a slam-dunk for Intelligent Design fans (and how exactly is it intelligent to design such a thing anyway?). It lacks the more colorful physical details of  legendary sightings (spiny quills running down the back, a forked tongue, glowing red eyes). Could it simply be a mangy coyote? A less-than-photogenic fox with an attitude problem?

Go see it and make up your own mind. For if Mr. Adolfi is right, “scientists need to figure this mystery out proper” so that we can finally “answer the question that is at the heart of the debate: “Is it Apes, Aliens or Adam?”"

For entertainment purposes, perhaps it can be all three? [Post by Anne D. Bernstein]

Sections: Attraction News
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Gettysburg Electric Map: No Address

October 5, 2009

The Battle of Gettysburg saved American civilization from certain destruction. Now free Americans want to see the battle as they had done so for decades: at the Gettysburg National Military Park Museum and Visitor Center, on a big Electric Map.

Unfortunately, it’s gone — split asunder. Or, at least in storage.

The map was a marvel of mid-20th century analog multimedia. Visitors would shuffle into a special 554-seat auditorium, stare down at a 30-foot-square Plaster of Paris rendering of the Gettysburg terrain, and be mesmerized as a sonorous narration told the story while hundreds of light bulbs winked off and on, showing troop movements.

But in 2008, the Battlefield’s management was turned over to a private group named the Gettysburg Foundation. They hated the map. They broke it apart and stuck it in a warehouse. Their two excuses for doing so were 1) that the map had asbestos insulation, and 2) that it was too big to fit into the new visitor center. Which, of course, they designed so that it would be too small to hold the hated Electric Map.

According to the York Daily Record, people who come to Gettysburg still ask to see the map. They’ve been doing it so consistently that the Foundation has announced that it may now bring back the map — as a video. The Foundation apparently filmed the map presentation one last time before they broke the map apart. Now a film is being created “based” on the presentation. It would be shown in the Visitor Center theater, although “there is no timetable for the film’s release.”

Yeah, that sounds like fun. Watching a video of the Electric Map would be like watching Tombstone’s Historama on a counter-top TV — a pale imitation of a pale imitation of reality.

Sections: Attraction News
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Twin Arrows Restored, Route 66 Fans Rejoice

September 28, 2009

We’ve watched with resignation the gradual decay of the Twin Arrows east of Flagstaff, Arizona. The two big shafts — telephone poles, actually — were left to rot when the trading post that owned them closed in 1998. It wouldn’t be long, we thought, before they collapsed in a puff of desert dust, and then were moved to our Gone But Not Forgotten section.

But not so fast! The arrows are reborn, looking as colorful and strange as the day that they were first shoved into the ground.

The arrows were restored in a two-week cooperative blitz between the Hopi tribe and Route 66 buffs. Each group had its own motives. To the Hopi, according to an article in the Arizona Daily Sun, the arrows “symbolize warrior pride.” To the 66ers, they embody “an entrepreneurial spirit.” Let’s just say that the arrows are a Spirit Guide for Route 66 travelers, and a big “Pay attention!” from Arizona’s Indians.

According to the Sun, the Hopi plan to restore the trading post as well as the arrows, in anticipation of a big Navajo casino planned for the opposite side of I-40. We hope that the tribes put some of their future wealth to further totem rehab  — like restoring Two Guns/Canyon Diablo a dozen miles east of Twin Arrows.

Sections: Attraction News, Coming Soon
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See-Saw Cypress Gardens: Down Again

September 27, 2009

Cypress Gardens, Florida’s first theme park, has once again found itself out in the weeds.

An iconic home of water ski shows and Southern Belles in uncomfortably warm dresses, the park operated steadily for almost 70 years. Then it closed in 2003, reopened with roller coasters in 2004, was ravaged by three hurricanes and closed again, reopened with a water park and zoo in 2005, closed in 2008, reopened without the roller coasters or zoo in 2009, and now has closed for a fourth time.

Evidently, efforts to find a new winning formula have been unsuccessful.

It always seemed to us as if Cypress Gardens failed by trying to be too much. The water skis and Southern Belles weren’t enough for its new breed of MBA managers. Their latest “we’re closed” press release spoke of their attempts at “numerous management frameworks,” rather than trying to create new routines for the water ski show. They wanted to slug it out with Disney and Universal Studios, which was admirable but insane.

As an article in the Lynchburg News and Advance points out, the Cypress Gardens property is “zoned for entertainment.” There’s a chance it will rise again from this latest belly-flop (maybe a desperate state park rescue, a la Weeki Wachee?). If so, we hope they get back to the basics. Bring in a water-skiing dog. Pit the Southern Belles against some dim-witted Yankees in a Civil War battle. Work with what you do best, Cypress Gardens. The people will come.

Sections: Attraction News
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Pennsylvania: Pagan As You Go

September 25, 2009

When a group of sociable Pagans decided to hold their “Celebrating Earth Spirituality Festival” at the semi-charming and vaguely Tudoresque (circa 1996) theme shopping hamlet of Stoudtburg Village, little did they know that the gathering would cause a retail revolt. An offended group of shopkeepers refused to open on that day, lest they come in contact with a single Pagan penny. Area Christians organized a “Wall of Prayer” to counteract the general merriment and express dismay at the sight of pentacle-adorned nature lovers stocking up on potpourri and scarfing kettle corn.

Stoudtburg Village is located in pious and picturesque Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, famous for its scrapple and Amish communities. The mock-historic commercial center (which also includes apartments–Phase II coming soon!) regularly hosts events including Rotary Club meetings, doll shows, and the suspicious-sounding indoctrination rite known as “Cookies with Santa.” It is available for rent to any group willing to cough up a very reasonable fee of $50.

Admittedly Pagans are fond of questionable practices such as clothing-optional bread baking, but in this case, the day was spent engaging in such offensive activities as “collecting non-perishable food items to help those in need.” Shocking!

As far as we know, this is the first event to spark a Stoudtburg business boycott. But may we point out that there’s already something rather Pagan about a “European inspired” village that is home to “Peaches, our fountain nymph” and permits stores to open with corrupted names such as “Country Pastthymes.”

When the festival day finally arrived on September 12…well…it rained! A blessing from Mother Earth or the wrath of an angry God? A few church groups showed up; most interaction was respectful and polite, although there were some cases of overly-aggressive pamphleteering. Perhaps everyone learned that they have much in common after all: a deep sense of spirituality, a wish to make the world a better place, and a compulsive desire to buy lots of stuff that no one really needs. For whether you collect cheap figurines of fairies or angels, we’re all part of the consumerist heaven-on-earth called The United States of America. [Post by Anne D. Bernstein]

Sections: Attraction News, Events
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