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Amazing Similarities Between Lincoln and Santa Claus

December 24, 2008

A recent swing through southern Indiana put us in the adjacent communities of Lincoln City — home of the Bronzed Foundation of Abraham Lincoln’s Boyhood Home — and Santa Claus. The physical proximity of two towns built around two triple-A American deities made us wonder. Is it mere coincidence? Aside from Lincoln and Santa’s eating disorders and their beards (and ignoring that Abe had to be told to grow one) are there other remarkable similarities they share?

There are. We cannot say if they will spawn any combined attractions, but perhaps Holiday World will at least install fat man/thin man Santa/Lincoln fun house mirrors.

1. Lincoln split rails. Santa splits his pants.
2. Santa lives at the North Pole. Lincoln lived in a house made of logs that looked like poles.
3. Lincoln wore a stovepipe hat. Santa comes down a stovepipe if you don’t have a chimney.
4. Santa‘s loyal helper is Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Lincoln‘s loyal helper was Ulysses S. Grant, the red-nosed alcoholic general.
5. Lincoln freed the slaves. Santa frees the elves on Christmas, but puts them back to work the next day.
6. Santa’s wife bakes Christmas cookies. Lincoln‘s wife was herself half-baked.
7. Lincoln lived in the White House. Santa‘s house is also white, because it’s covered in snow.
8. Santa suspends his trousers. Lincoln suspended habeas corpus.

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