One imagines the National Museum of Funeral History in some rambling Victorian mansion -- an old funeral home in New England perhaps -- with dead leaves blowing across the lawn and ominously creaky front steps.
Instead, the museum is in a blocky, tan building in what looks like a former industrial park, now surrounded by acres of sprawling townhomes, all of it flat, treeless, and baking in the south Texas sun. Young families are everywhere, unloading groceries from minivans, and one can only guess what they think of their odd neighbor with the words "Funeral" and "Museum" in big letters on its side.
Victorian era funeral parlor.
The Museum, whose stated purpose is to honor "one of our most important cultural rituals," has a large parking lot, but at the moment we are the sole visitors. One room, the size of an aircraft hanger, is used for Museum exhibits (the rest are meeting and classrooms for a funeral school, "Undertakers University"), but what this place lacks in ambiance it makes up for in the scope of its collection. It is quiet as a tomb, which, given the displays, is appropriate.
The most prominent items in the Museum are hearses and coffins (technically, coffins are 8-sided boxes and "caskets" are 6-sided boxes). Little signs constantly chastise the curious visitor, "Do not open caskets." The signs are unnecessary, we suspect, atop the "corpse cooler" and especially the "ventilating coffin" (for putrid corpses). No one needs to lift the lid of the solid glass coffin, made of the same greenish glass used in old Coke bottles. The "casket for three" has been thoughtfully left open; it was made in the 1930s for a couple in Durango, CO, who intended to kill themselves after their baby died. They didn't; the coffin wound up here.
The gaudiest displays in the Museum are its collection of hand-painted Ghanaian coffins -- the largest collection outside of Africa.
Hearses take up most of the floor space, although, again, the Museum would rather you refer to them as "funeral service vehicles" and notes that all of them are still in working order. A gaudy Japanese Hearse (a custom 1972 Toyota Crown station wagon) catches our eyes, as does a sleek black funeral sleigh. One hearse has a sign noting that it was used as a prop in Cyrano de Bergerac (no information on which version), while another, a 1973 Mercedes, conveyed Princess Grace of Monaco in her 1982 funeral.
Japanese hearse.
Best of all is the huge 1916 Packard funeral bus, created to eliminate funeral processions, which could carry the coffin, pallbearers, and 20 mourners. It was climbing a San Francisco hill when the weight of all those people in the back caused it to tip over, sending people (and a coffin) tumbling onto the street. It was quickly retired, spent the next 40 years as the home of a California ranch hand, and then ended up, like other novel funeral relics, here.
The embalming exhibit -- "sponsored by Pierce Chemicals" -- is also worthy. A replica 1920s embalming room displays the first electric embalming machine, which looks like a canister vacuum. Next to it is a life-size recreation of the embalming tent of Dr. Thomas Holmes, "father of US embalming," who rose to fame by following Union armies so that he could embalm dead Civil War soldiers on the battlefield and ship 'em home.
The 1916 Packard funeral bus.
A case nearby displays a two-page spread from The Professional Embalmer magazine, announcing, "World's Largest Man Embalmed With Sterilol Cavity Fluid and Creme Celebre." An accompanying letter cites "a very splendid cosmetic effect as well as perfect preservation" on the man, Sam Harris, who had a 78-inch waist and whose corpse and casket weighed a combined 1,330 pounds.
Drain the fluids! A classic glass preparation table and requisite bucket.
There is much, much more to see here, scattered about the periphery. A full-size replica of King Tut's sarcophagus highlights the "Funeral Directors of Ancient Egypt" exhibit. A "Funerals of the Famous" gallery with clippings and souvenirs recalls the sendoffs of Elvis, John Wayne, Frank Sinatra, Gandhi, Lindbergh, Jackie, Eva Gabor, Judy Garland, even John Denver.
For some unexplained reason there's a huge exhibit devoted to "The Original Superman, Kirk Alyn, 1910-1999" who starred as Superman in Columbia serials from 1946-1952.
The Kennedy exhibit presents a replica flag-shrouded casket, and claims to have the original Eternal Flame that burned at JFK's Arlington grave until 1998. The Lincoln exhibit has an exact replica of Honest Abe's coffin, the Marsellus Model, "one of only two in existence today;" and the Unknown Solider Theater shows the changing of the guard at Arlington National Cemetery on video.
We can only briefly mention "The Romance of the Funeral Industry In Stamps" display, and the photos of Ms. Ida Lucille Cannon-Taylor modeling "shrouds for female burial" in the 1920s.
Before leaving the Museum, visitors should examine the one-of-a-kind gift items in a case by the cash register. The Museum's motto, "Any day above ground is a good one," is emblazoned across coffee mugs, balloons, and beverage insulators. Videos available for purchase include "The History of Embalming" and "The Value Of The Funeral." Other items of note are a coffin golf putter, a necklace with little flag-draped coffin charms, and a solid chocolate casket candy bar.
