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Morons Vandalize Carhenge, Merit Olde-Timey Punishment


Various reports out of Alliance, Nebraska, relate that Carhenge has recently been defaced by vandals with paint and “damage to metal panels on the cars.” Based on the typical pattern in defaced landmark cases, we would guess that the culprits are young, stupid, and not able to afford a suitable muscle car to vent off hormonal seizures. They also have no idea of the hornet’s nest of ancient wrath and modern-day civic bile that they’ve stirred up.

What Bronze Age punishments — updated to the 21st century — can be inflicted on Carhenge’s tormenters once they are caught? Let’s see….Nebraska has no peat bogs in which to drown them, but they could, for example, be made to rub off the offending paint with their skin and straighten the damaged panels with their teeth. Or they could simply be welded inside the cars until their flesh was eaten by crows.

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September 25, 2023

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