Albert the Bull

Audubon, Iowa

Albert, the World's Largest Bull, has been guarding the peaceful streets of Audubon since he was built in the summer of 1964. He is 28 feet tall and has a 15-foot span between horns. He also has giant concrete gonads.

If you find yourself in western Iowa, hop off the interstate and stop by (we inexplicably got tangled in invisible magnetic leylines, depositing us at Albert's hooves on three separate trips). There are large bulls in other towns, often hawking steakhouses, the figures made of fiberglass and hauled around on trailers as mobile promotional devices. Albert, however, is bigger, and he isn't going anywhere. He weighs 45 tons, and most of it is solid concrete. The steelwork that forms his mighty frame was salvaged from abandoned Iowa windmills.

Push a button in the information kiosk next to Albert's parking lot and gaze at him through scratched plexiglass as he tells you that he was built as a replica of the perfect Hereford bull, nine times larger than life-size and "authentic right down to my toenails." According to the voice of Albert, 20,000 people visit him every year, and his media resume includes a cameo in Beethoven's 3rd, "and I was even a question on Jeopardy."

Albert was named for Albert Kruse, a past president of a local bank, who was responsible for launching an annual local beef promotion named Operation T-Bone -- which should not be confused with Operation Pork Chop, a local pork industry drive that lacked the vision to build a giant, talking pig to promote itself.

Albert and his park are kept pristine, although we've received reports that Albert's ample 'nads are sometimes painted in the colors of rival football teams or in a patriotic fervor. An autumn visitor might discover Albert with literally blue balls, rivaling those sported by a certain other oversized animal.

Albert ends his message with, "Please drive carefully!"

For over 50 years Albert was famous for his baby blue eyes. But local farmers constantly complained that Herefords don't have blue eyes, so when Albert was repainted in Oct. 2017, his eye color was changed to brown.