Phillipsville, California: Chimney Tree, Old Hobbiton USA

Having read about Hobbiton USA, the story of The Hobbit constructed from cement dioramas out in the redwoods, we made it our goal to reach there before nightfall. We got there with plenty of daylight, but alas, it had already closed. Determined as we were to see the dioramas, we chose to hop the back fence and walk through the adventure.

The first diorama was of the end of the story. Cement Bilbo and cement Gandalf were looking off into the future. We pushed a button and there was a long delay -- so long we were sure it was broken, then a terrible loud voice from a speaker told us we had reached the end of the story.

We moved through the rest of the dioramas -- the Smaug the Dragon diorama, the giant spider -- they got shittier as we went along (they probably would have gotten better if we had gone through forward), but finally we came to Gollum peering out of the cave at us. We pushed the button, and then heard a man's voice say "Who's up there! I can hear you!" We ducked to hide but then the terrible narrator echoed from the bushes, talking about Gollum and pinpointing our location. We started to run.

We ran and ran until we came to the front of Hobbiton where a lady in a bathrobe came out of a trailer carrying a little dog. She chastised us for sneaking in without paying, then got all misty eyed when she asked if we thought it was beautiful. Then she told us we could go without paying, only we had to go NOW.

We ran and ran and could hear the man chasing us. We got in our car and sped away and saw him standing at the top of the hill, next to the Gandalf statue, shaking his gun. We drove as fast as we could. We will never forget Hobbiton, U.S.A.

The folk art attraction "Hobbiton" on the Avenue of the Giants has been vandalized. I've never been to this attraction before, but from the postcards it looks wonderful. It's a 20 minute walking tour complete with miniature towns, lakes, characters and scenes from Tolkien's "Hobbit." Some idiots vandalized it before it was set to open for this season. Sculptures are being repaired and repainted. They were reluctant to give a reopening date at the gift shop, but are determined to stay in business.

The Chimney Tree is still open.

In January 1996, I stopped at Hobbiton USA along California's Redwood Highway to get a good first hand look at all those wacky creatures but, while the Chimney Tree and gift shop were open, the Hobbit trails were closed because it wasn't tourist season. I tried to talk the lady behind the counter into letting me stroll back there anyway, and then the truth came out. It seems the heavy rains and mudslides took out big chunks of the trail and washed away some hapless hobbits! She wasn't too sure when it would open but thought that in May it might be ready for the public. I got a feeling of forboding as I listened to her talk and would suggest seeing the hobbits soon before the attraction is closed for good.