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Flying skull of Geronimo.
Flying Skull of Geronimo.

The Secret Adventures of Geronimo's Skull

After John Kerry emerged as the Democratic Party's 2004 candidate for President, the race to November had conspiracy investigators hopping mad. Not only did Kerry (class of '66) and George W. Bush (class of '68) both go to Yale, but both were members of the Order of Skull and Bones.

Only 15 Yale juniors are annually "tapped" to join this murky and mysterious world-controlling cabal. Given that only about 500 living Bonesmen are over the age of 35 (necessary for a President) versus 180 million Americans over 35, the odds of two of them running against each other for President is 1 in 125 billion. Coincidence? Or Conspiracy?

Who will stand up and defend the American Way against its theft by these Eastern Establishment shock troops, formally known as the Brotherhood of Death, whose skull and crossbones imagery is also favored by pirates and Nazis?

Geronimo visits Andre the Seal.
Geronimo's skull visits the statue of Andre the Seal, Rockport, Maine. Excerpt from page 142 of New Roadside America.

In 1992, a group of travel authors boldly challenged this secret conspiracy of one-world trilateralist Bilderbergers with the publication of The New Roadside America. The book stubbornly remained in print for a really long time, a testament to the fighting spirit of the American people.

In that book, "bloodless superbankers" building giant chairs and billionaires hoarding angel footprints were held up to the disinfecting light. But most prominently discussed was the Skull and Bones Society's theft of Geronimo's skull from his grave in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma. The guy who did the digging was the grandfather of America's current President (and father of the President at the time of New RA's publication) Prescott "Pat[riarch]" Bush. Back then, a spokesman for Ft. Sill told us "he didn't know anything about" the skull robbing story.

Indian Burial Grounds used to be this way.
Indian Burial Grounds used to be this way.

We were upset, because in a truly free society a skull that important should be viewable by any tourist with a camcorder and the admission fee. Back in the early '90s, many Indian skulls and skeletons displayed in museums were being repatriated by their tribes as a consequence of Public Law 101601, "The Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act." Roadside attractions like the Indian Burial Pits of New Cambria, Kansas were forced to close. Esther, the "smiling" mummy was removed from Mesa Verde National Park in Colorado after decades of greeting visitors. The Smithsonian was required to disgorge hundreds of skeletons.

But not Skull and Bones. More than a decade later, they keep Geronimo's skull displayed in a glass case inside their windowless sanctum known as "The Tomb." When the society was pressed by Apache leaders, a Bush family member, acting as a go-between, offered only the skull of a small child as an appeasement.

Stealing stuff and stashing it in The Tomb is called giving "gifts to the goddess." In addition to Geronimo's skull, the tomb is rumored to contain the skulls of Pancho Villa and Martin Van Buren, and Adolf Hitler's silverware.

Roadside vault: Geronimo's skull leads the charge to repatriate Indian remains held by the Smithsonian...
Roadside vault: Geronimo's skull leads the charge to repatriate Indian remains held by the Smithsonian...

No one knows what these worshippers of the goddess Euloga do with the items inside their crypt, but neighbors on the Yale campus say that during initiation rites, strange cries and whispers come from the building.

While undergoing initiation, young ruling elites from families like Carnegie, Ford, Harriman, Kellogg, Pillsbury, Rockefeller, Taft, Vanderbilt, Weyerhaeuser and Whitney (and including Kerry and Bush in their day) wrestle in mud and are physically beaten. According to published reports, they then lie naked in coffins and masturbate. They are also introduced to "the Bones whore," the tomb's only full-time resident. Each group of initiates reveal to each other their entire sexual histories in a cozy room, with the lights dimmed and a fire roaring.

Are we shocked when we hear that Kerry's top fundraiser was the same guy who kept George Bush's military record a thing of secrecy? That Kerry's current wife's first Senator husband, the ketchup scion, John Heinz, was also a Bonesman? We are not.

And while there is nothing we can do to keep their tentacles off The Federal Reserve System and The CIA, the authors of reaffirm our pledge to stand against them when they mess with the vacationscape.

Also see: Unused comix sketch - New RA (1991)

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