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Wal-Mart Wants Land Under Presidents’ Heads

September 14, 2008

This story first surfaced on the Huffington Post a few weeks back — and we shrugged it off as political bluster in an election year. But now the Virginian-Pilot confirms the rumors: Presidents Park in Williamsburg, Virginia, may be ousted to make room for a Wal-Mart.

The three Presidents Parks scattered across the country feature giant busts of every American commander-in-chief from GW through GWB. Visitors can get personal with Our Larger-Than-Life Leaders in a way that Mt. Rushmore cannot satisfy. But the land on which the Williamsburg park stands is reportedly coveted by the world’s most infamous retailer, and the property’s developer is quoted by the newspaper as saying, “My first obligation is to my investors….” That’s an ominous sign for the Big Heads.

The heads themselves might be philosophical: “It’s the ebb and flow of a free market economy,” one might say approvingly, while another might counsel that “The government should intercede to stop these predations!” But the big heads don’t talk, at least not to the sane visitors.

If the deal goes through, what will become of 168 tons of President heads? The hefty busts could be shipped here, just to see what kind of reaction they’d get. But it would be an awfully expensive joke.

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