Old Man River stands with his derriere to the French Quarter.

Old Man River

New Orleans, Louisiana

If you want proof of the abundant strangeness of New Orleans public art, look no further than Robert Schoen's bare-bottomed "Old Man River." It stands on the French Quarter promenade along the Mississippi, in one of New Orleans' busiest tourist spots, and yet no one seems to notice it.

Sculpted in 1991 from an 18-foot-high, 17-ton block of Carrara marble, the unhappy-looking creature is described in its brief plaque as, "God to a city in Love with Water." For a supposed old man, he has skin that is way too smooth. His bald blockhead appears to be alien rather than human (like the Engineers in the film Prometheus, who were fairly godlike). His legs are trapped in marble, his arms have been hacked off at the wrists, and his genitals have been replaced by what appears to be either shredded wheat or a Brillo pad.